Thanksgiving was hard, and different this year. We went to Fresno as usual, but we knew it would be difficult since it would be the first holiday we would celebrate without Scotty. Steph and her kiddos were not there either because they had gone to to beach to spend some time away before attending her cousins wedding there. I knew that breaking from tradition would probably be helpful to Steph and her kids, but I will be the first to admit that is was weird without them there.
We celebrated Thanksgiving at Mom and Dad Sly's and my parents came as well. It was so hard. We talked about Scott a lot. It was Thanksgiving and although we didn't always feel grateful, deep down, we knew that we had much to be thankful for. Chris' mom has a gratitude journal that we started writing in a few years ago. Each person in the family can write down what they are thankful for, even the kids. Mom got out the journal and passed it around after dinner. I had given it much thought and knew exactly what I wanted to write in the journal. I couldn't help but be grateful for my testimony...my testimony of forever families, my testimony of the priesthood, my testimony of our Savior Jesus Christ. Others were not as easily persuaded when we tried to remind them of all that we have to be grateful for. I remember Mom handing the journal to Dad so that he could write in it. He frankly replied, "this has been a real shitty year, I have nothing to be grateful for!" We all felt his anger, his frustration and at many times, we have all shared those same thoughts. We were all grieving and it is hard to see blessings when you are in that state of mind. Chris' mom is always a "glass is half full" type of person. It's one of the things I love so much about her (I really wish I was more like that). She was happy to write in the journal and explain how grateful she was that she'd had Scott for 33 wonderful years. She was also grateful that his illness was not prolonged, that he did not suffer long and that we have been blessed with his wonderful wife and three children.
It was a really long day, it was very emotionally exhausting. We laughed, and cried and just talked. The next day, I knew that I wanted to decorate Mom and Dad's house for them for Christmas. I knew it would be a difficult thing for them to do. Scotty loved Christmas as much as we all did. I knew putting up the tree would be hard so I enlisted everyone's help. With the help of Dad, we got out all the decorations (and there are tons) and we decorated the entire house, including two Christmas trees. As I put ornaments on the family tree with pictures of Scotty on them, I cried. I was still in disbelief. He really wasn't going to be here for Christmas. I know that Mom and Dad were very grateful that we did that for them. I don't know if they would've done it themselves so I am glad we were there and could do it. I wanted to do Steph's too, without her even knowing, but I also knew there was a chance she would be moving into a new home before Christmas and I didn't want to make more mess for her to pack up and move. I'm glad we didn't do it, because Steph did move just before Christmas!
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